Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
欣赏周野芒，张芝华，吴冕的表演是一种享受，这片再加个林栋甫就完美了，林栋甫可以演宁理那个角色
人在广州，看了想即刻马上回上海。五小时后白云到虹桥的票只要270，说走就走。
台词、演员、故事、情调，无一不佳（除了那个韩流儿子
对于儿子的女朋友，他的选择比儿子还要坚定，就是认准了洋洋这个女孩。
3.女导演的反击引起思考：女人这辈子没有…是不完整的，我只不过犯了一个天下男人都会犯的错（男人出轨和女人出轨的不同后果确实是现状），男生能不能化妆（都是性别刻板印象）。画廊吐槽男导演拍戏很精辟，多元化也体现在一个人会有很多面。
一部很有格调的喜剧，既接地气儿，又有品位，街头的老鞋匠都说出哲理满满的话语。几个女人一台戏好看。特别是画廊那一段，简直惊艳。说到与大明星的相遇，突然想起以前一个朋友说过他在巴黎的咖啡馆打工遇到过女神苏菲玛索去喝咖啡，有合影，真的很浪漫。平淡的生活有滋有味儿有腔调。氛围，摄影，包括感觉都太喜欢了，一句话蛮灵光的。特别是上海话，好听！
我不喜欢上海，在我的理解中这座城市是排外的压迫的。
片子很灵气，非常契合魔都的精神内核。可爱的吴侬软语深深入耳，有趣的BGM首首直戳心门。小白爱情看太多，腻歪了，那批观众也大了，中年爱情题材绝对是以后的潜力股。
1、觉得导演名字很熟，问了知情人，才知道她就是几年前卖电子烟的北电女生，当年以此为引子写过一篇爆款公号文。2、此片公映，邵导也算咸鱼翻身了，发现其豆瓣页面的主照片都换了，形象焕然一新。3、邵是张老师的学生，张老师发了一条动态，遭到群殴，甚至有人身攻击。记得某年在某影院，见到张老师，张老师说影院里放的这些片都是啥玩意啊（大意）。张老师对院线片的“敌意”，可能是有“鄙”无类的。4、费里尼，《爱情神话》，索菲亚•罗兰，我全都理解为致敬与迷影吧，当然，也是调侃和解构，一如“变态”与“可爱”同义。5、上海话的爱与撩，城市的市井与韵味，不那么低级的喜感与闹剧，配乐的美妙与疏离，以及，一颗装腔作势的文艺的心，都是大体妥的，算是近年爱情片这个类型中四平八稳的奇葩。
人们正是因为喜欢神话才向往爱情，可惜真实世界的爱情里很难存在神话。奢侈的东西被标榜以平价，平民消费观贯穿在这群隐形富豪，这种对观众亲民的爱情真是个神话！https://movie.douban.com/review/14107197/
作为一个你生活的地方
可爱，有爱的电影，特别适合我这种跟片子几个主角一样，大龄、离异且正在努力恋爱、偶尔帮着别人看孩子的中年观众[捂脸][捂脸][捂脸]
剧本真的不错 个人觉得配乐很烦 多一点上海城市的声音不好吗 其实没必要去扯什么伍迪艾伦 完全两码事
可太好看了！嗲得嘞，灵得嘞！虽然浮于表面，可这皮相真是美啊！观众看得开心，演员演得开心，导演拍得也开心！
拍上海，终于不用拍江边高楼、陆家嘴白领和民国电车了。台词密度高、包袱巧、节奏感强，几位几乎都是上戏出身的演员也张力十足，全片沪语对白，把那种可能这里独有的，清高、市井又随时自嘲的文艺中年的微妙腔调表达得十分到位。简直是伍迪艾伦在上海！
跟我喜欢还潮的歌一样，知道有点缝合怪的意思，但就是好听好看呀。
7.0分（0.5的鼓励分）。今年个人院线片十佳。之前关注过邵艺辉的公众号，知道她会写，但没想到居然还会拍电影，而且拍出了国产片里，除王家卫之外相当稀缺的，几乎是我仅见的欧洲式中产情趣，更难得的是这种欧范还是以上海为前缀。
结尾也挺有意思的，浪漫至死，但是感觉有点虚，可能我还是不够浪漫。
期待蛮高的，看完之后觉得，好是好，没那么好。总觉得，几个女性角色依旧在围着老白转，她们自己的样貌依旧没有那么清晰。以及，老乌的故事没有很打动我，我不懂她们为什么流泪……
另外，国摇雄起！我竟然在国产影线片听到了白日密语、还潮和八仙饭店，出息！
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